Waiting

You're waiting.
For me to miss you
But I already do, 
I miss everything
I miss us.
Our bodies intertwined,
Professing you'd forever be mine,
The way we'd stare and get lost into each other,
The trailing kisses I'd leave from your nose to your eyes.
I miss sleeping by your side,
Feeling your warmth.
Feeling your love.
All of the above,
I miss.
Then, I remember this;
You broke me.
You hurt me.
Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and even physically.
You destroyed me.
You made me feel crazy
Loving you was insanity
But, it was amazing
I just don't understand your love for me
It's stubborn, persistent, unwavering
But when you hurt me it appeared to have not existed
In that instant
You forgot your love
You let anger be your guide
Not the love you had for you and I
For us.
My trust
You shattered
My whole being
Shattered.
Our love,
To ash it burned.
You're waiting
for me to miss you
To let my heart decide 
to lead me back to you 
I already do.
Believe me it does.
It could be more naive
It could let itself flee
To return to you
But then you'd do what you do 
You'd consume and destroy it all over again
Knowledge is Bliss
Experience is bitter
And loving you was madness
It was intense
but, I don't regret it
Like fire
You burned my skin with lust filled passion
Like water
you drowned me in your possession
I was air
You took my breath away, left me breathless
You consumed me
and then i just couldn't breathe
I burned. I drowned. 
And my last breath had been taken
Your sweet words,
are sweet nothings
Your beautiful promises,
are empty
and all that is left
is all this.
Our love.
In the ashes.
Our love is not a phoenix,
it will not resurrect. 
You're waiting.
I know it.
I'm waiting too
Waiting to forget you
Waiting till I no longer miss you
Waiting till your memory no longer stings me
Waiting till you realize that this time,
You really did lose me completely.
                                                                                                                            2015