On the Outside

Frustrated
Helpless
I'm feeling useless
I know
I have the control
The power
But that means nothing
When it comes down to those around me
I can't control them
I can't force them
To understand
To see things the way I see them
I can't give them my mentality
My strength
My advice falls weak
Words have no meaning
They're still hurting
He's still in pain
She's still suffering
They're in this maze
Lost
Nothing I say or do can help them out.
I feel useless
Helpless
Frustrated

J. A. Burgundy

December 2015

From Hate to Love, and Love to Hate

Here we go again
Hoping and pleading
Everything works out perfectly
This time
Then it hits me
The venom
Spreads and seeps through me
Everything begins to crumble inside
My walls they twitch they break
They begin to tumble
The venom poisons every happy thought
All the love between us
It corrupts.
Love turns to hate
Hope to deception
Romance to vengeance
I swear I never knew I was cruel
Never, Till I met you
I want to hurt you, Destroy you
Put you down,Throw you down
So far down you can't climb back up
Then laugh, Laugh sadistically
At you grasping Desperately
Trying to get out
You're reaching for me
Pleading for me 
Begging me to stop
I laugh some more
Pathetic.
That's what you get.
Depending on me?
You should've known better
Should've saw it coming
I did.
I knew better than to trust you
Trust you full heartedly
Completely
You didn't deserve it
What's this?
You still love me?
Please, I'm over it
Don't care for it
Time passes..
You aren't the same anymore?
You've changed?
Promises?
Hope...?
Oh goodness!
Yes,  okay let's do it!
Me and you against the world baby!
Me and you against them
Promise me, Never against us
Yes yes a million times yes!
I can see it all now, Our love so true
Feels so right inside
We're gonna make it this time
... what?
Insecurities again??
Insults and abuse?
You don't trust me?
You want me as your possession.
You'll be my destruction!
You promised....
You swore you wouldn't!
Said it'd be different..
You lied!!
What's worse,  I fell for it, again!
Selfish is what you are
Always believing the world revolves around you
You ready??
Don't test me !
You'll come back begging for me
Always making a mess of things
Expecting to be forgiven
Forgive and forget
Forget the past you say
Let's focus on the now you say
Oh of course my love
But you see,
you're still the same shit you used to be
Therefore then is now and now is then
And you were warned
I ain't doing this shit again
You were warned
I said don't push me!!
You'll regret it
Keep doing it see what happens
See who'll get the worst end of it
Oh you need me??
I'm you're reason for being?
Your happiness??
Aw my love...
Too little too late!
The venom, I can feel it..
The venom poisons every happy thought
all the love between us
It corrupts.
Love turns to hate
Hope to deception
Romance to vengeance
I swear I never knew I was cruel
Never, Till I met you.

J. A. Burgundy

May 2015

Wine, Whiskey, & the Color Burgundy

How to not think of you with pretty city lights 

The beautiful shimmer in the water at night

How can my mind not wander

You're in the moon and the stars

You're this colliding perfection

A  true wonder I never expected

You're a shooting star on a magical night, in a magical moment 

How to tell my soul not to recognize 

The beautiful melody that is us

A saxophone playing a sweet sultry sound 

You're in every note

Everywhere I dare to truly look

I'm with you and I feel a freedom 

A liberty I never knew of

You're a breath of fresh air

A walk on the beach

You're such a wonderful being

Your smile so illuminating

Your soul the just amount of crazy insanity

Full of adventure and spontaneity 

You're a glass of wine, and a shot of whiskey 

You're the color of burgundy

J. A. Burgundy

October 2015

EX

Ex
Ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, ex best friend
To you who promised,
Always and forever, forever and always
I guess that 'always' of yours
comes with an expiration date
And that 'forever' was never truly meant
Through thick and thin you said
But I guess my thin was too thin
My thick too thick
Because you couldn't handle it
To you my darling ex
"Fuck you, you ain't shit"
That's what I wanna say
But then again
You obviously meant shit
I obviously loved and adored you
Hence my anger and spite towards you
I Find it funny
How you post your feelings so publicly
Always making me out to be the bad guy
Right ?
Boo who
Talking bout how I hurt you
How I  didn't care and shit
Talking bout how I did you wrong
But you slacking on saying who screwed who all along
Talking bout how I chose someone over you
When all I ever did was appreciate you
You're Telling me how I meant the world to you
I guess to you the world
was more like a little toy globe
Because I didn't mean enough
Since now we're not even friends
And I got your ass blocked.
Hope my words feel like a cold ass slap
Feel what I felt.
Taste that blood of betrayal
That knife in my back
I now return it right back
Feel what I feel.
When you couldn't get me
When hurting me was easier than trying to comfort me
I pushed you away I know.
Thought you'd be better off.
But then you went and fucked up
How's it feel ?
Someone you loved
Isn't who you thought
You said you loved me
We dreamed of endless adventures
Traveling,
Seeing the world together,
Growing old together
Fuck you! For making me feel I could count on you
Making me depend on you
Giving me so much of you
Then taking it away
Then you go on and be the worst
A hypocrite
Talking bout all you did for me
Like I never stood by you
As if me comforting you
When the world turned its back on you
Was nothing. Like I meant nothing.
As if it was a one sided relationship
Does what I did for you not count ?
My love is somehow no longer valid ?
To you my ex
I say, Fuck you.
For being a damn liar
For being so damn deceitful.
I put you on a damn pedestal.
Now I look down on you
Back at you
Disgust and disappointment
Why make promises you can't keep?
Why not act on what you preach?
To you my ex
I'll never be replaced.
I hope you think of me
Every day every moment
I hope regret comes to greet you
When you look back on how you left me
In an ocean of madness. Drowning.
When you see I made it out alive.
Without you. 
Because that love of yours
Wasn't strong enough
And I wasn't worthy enough
I was too damned
Too broken
A natural disaster.
You couldn't stand by me any longer.
To you my ex
Wish you the best
 I guess

J. A. Burgundy

August 2015

Loving You

Loving you
Was like trying to tame a hurricane
It was us against each other
It was me trying to protect the home we built
Hoping you wouldn't hit
It was watching you take it up in your winds
In your waters of rage and fury
It was me trying to rebuild what was left
Just so you'd come and destroy it all over again
Loving you...
Was like gambling against what I knew would be the outcome
Letting you sweet talk me into believing
In a happy ending.

J. A. Burgundy

January 2015

You Never Believed Me

So many times I told you
How much I loved you
That my love was real and true
In so desperately trying to convince you
I tore my heart right out to show you
As if it would be written
As if it would be validated
I smiled, my smile faded
You still didn't believe me
I stood there breathing
Heavily then lightly
Why didn't you believe me?
My breathing almost fading
Till there was nothing
Just my heart in my hands
You crying over my sudden lack of breath

As if you had nothing to do with it

As if you were oblivious to what caused my death.

J. A. Burgundy

September 2015

Invisible Girl

Do you see her?
Hear her?
Is she there... is she not?
Do you know, do you care?
She stands next to you, but you don't notice
She speaks, but you choose not to hear
Everyone is aware
She's there
Though no one seems to really care
Yet, if they need someone 
She's suddenly the only one
She doesn't mind, she likes being there
When they go out, she's left out
All in couples, all but one
Doesn't matter, no one cares
She's like a first aid kit
You bring it along just in case
Don't really need it unless you get hurt
It's okay, she likes to heal and protect
She's there, and you know it
You hear her but pretend you didn't 
She's left out, all in doubles
All but one
Doesn't matter
She's invisible girl
                                                                                                                                                           2010

Lightning⚡

Lightning
It's quick
It hits
It creeps
It strikes
Gently
Then plenty
It's chaotic
It's wild
Yet at times subtle
It drives wonder
It's not good
It's Not Bad
It's neutral
Beautiful
Mighty
Lovely
Strikingly
Poetically
In its own Elegance
Lightning
                                                                                                                                                          2014

Tattoo❤

It's on my skin
It's on my lips
My heart and my soul
Inked by you
I remember asking you to
Give me a tattoo
You didn't want to
We were both drunk
Drunk on the vodka
Drunk on us
Said you didn't want to mess up
Now I lay here thinking
To that night
Regretting, wishing
You'd done it anyway
Because you still did
Your memory is inked all over me
Every crevice of my body
Your kiss like a needle
Still stings on my lips,
The ache remains a scar inside me,
And the ghost of your touch
Remains a mark on my skin
You didn't
But you did
You marked me all over
The difference is
Only I can feel it
And no one else can see it.
                                                                                                                                                          2015

Waiting

You're waiting.
For me to miss you
But I already do, 
I miss everything
I miss us.
Our bodies intertwined,
Professing you'd forever be mine,
The way we'd stare and get lost into each other,
The trailing kisses I'd leave from your nose to your eyes.
I miss sleeping by your side,
Feeling your warmth.
Feeling your love.
All of the above,
I miss.
Then, I remember this;
You broke me.
You hurt me.
Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and even physically.
You destroyed me.
You made me feel crazy
Loving you was insanity
But, it was amazing
I just don't understand your love for me
It's stubborn, persistent, unwavering
But when you hurt me it appeared to have not existed
In that instant
You forgot your love
You let anger be your guide
Not the love you had for you and I
For us.
My trust
You shattered
My whole being
Shattered.
Our love,
To ash it burned.
You're waiting
for me to miss you
To let my heart decide 
to lead me back to you 
I already do.
Believe me it does.
It could be more naive
It could let itself flee
To return to you
But then you'd do what you do 
You'd consume and destroy it all over again
Knowledge is Bliss
Experience is bitter
And loving you was madness
It was intense
but, I don't regret it
Like fire
You burned my skin with lust filled passion
Like water
you drowned me in your possession
I was air
You took my breath away, left me breathless
You consumed me
and then i just couldn't breathe
I burned. I drowned. 
And my last breath had been taken
Your sweet words,
are sweet nothings
Your beautiful promises,
are empty
and all that is left
is all this.
Our love.
In the ashes.
Our love is not a phoenix,
it will not resurrect. 
You're waiting.
I know it.
I'm waiting too
Waiting to forget you
Waiting till I no longer miss you
Waiting till your memory no longer stings me
Waiting till you realize that this time,
You really did lose me completely.
                                                                                                                            2015