EX: Phase ||

I guess 

I guess I was too dumb, too naive
Obviously since in you I believed.
I believed that you loved me
Genuinely cared for me
Regardless of how you'd treat me
I accepted your strong stubborn personality
I guess in a way you really did love me
But not the way I loved you
I accepted you and your breathtaking flaws 
I took your bad with the good
Because to me it all complemented you
Never dared to try and change you
Nothing you'd say nothing you'd do
Made me question or doubt you
Constantly defended you
Explained that they didn't know you
That there was a deeper side to you
A beautiful side
This stunning light
Anger seeped through me when tears filled your eyes
Because some shit hurt you
You don't realize what I wanted to do 
To everyone who made you cry
To anyone who brought hurt & pain into your life
I don't think you'll ever truly understand
How hurt and pained I now am
You turned your back
On all we had
You allowed your stubbornness
guide your actions
You followed your set mind
And you hurt me without thinking twice
You said ride or die
But you kicked me out to to the curb
In the middle of the night
I stood there, watching you drive by
A child with her bear in hand
Half asleep trying to understand
Why?
Why do we love so deeply?
So profoundly ?
Why do we believe in loving
How did someone you knew so well
Trusted with all your will
Just turn into someone into something
Something you never saw coming
An enemy.
To you my darling ex
I may be alone in the dark
Where you left me in black of night
But I'll find a way, I'll find the light
Then I'll find you
Just to show you
How I became the coldest of winters
How my heart turned to ice
And I'll Destroy who you thought I was, without thinking twice
As you once did
And You'll regret it.

J. A. Burgundy

August 2015

From Hate to Love, and Love to Hate

Here we go again
Hoping and pleading
Everything works out perfectly
This time
Then it hits me
The venom
Spreads and seeps through me
Everything begins to crumble inside
My walls they twitch they break
They begin to tumble
The venom poisons every happy thought
All the love between us
It corrupts.
Love turns to hate
Hope to deception
Romance to vengeance
I swear I never knew I was cruel
Never, Till I met you
I want to hurt you, Destroy you
Put you down,Throw you down
So far down you can't climb back up
Then laugh, Laugh sadistically
At you grasping Desperately
Trying to get out
You're reaching for me
Pleading for me 
Begging me to stop
I laugh some more
Pathetic.
That's what you get.
Depending on me?
You should've known better
Should've saw it coming
I did.
I knew better than to trust you
Trust you full heartedly
Completely
You didn't deserve it
What's this?
You still love me?
Please, I'm over it
Don't care for it
Time passes..
You aren't the same anymore?
You've changed?
Promises?
Hope...?
Oh goodness!
Yes,  okay let's do it!
Me and you against the world baby!
Me and you against them
Promise me, Never against us
Yes yes a million times yes!
I can see it all now, Our love so true
Feels so right inside
We're gonna make it this time
... what?
Insecurities again??
Insults and abuse?
You don't trust me?
You want me as your possession.
You'll be my destruction!
You promised....
You swore you wouldn't!
Said it'd be different..
You lied!!
What's worse,  I fell for it, again!
Selfish is what you are
Always believing the world revolves around you
You ready??
Don't test me !
You'll come back begging for me
Always making a mess of things
Expecting to be forgiven
Forgive and forget
Forget the past you say
Let's focus on the now you say
Oh of course my love
But you see,
you're still the same shit you used to be
Therefore then is now and now is then
And you were warned
I ain't doing this shit again
You were warned
I said don't push me!!
You'll regret it
Keep doing it see what happens
See who'll get the worst end of it
Oh you need me??
I'm you're reason for being?
Your happiness??
Aw my love...
Too little too late!
The venom, I can feel it..
The venom poisons every happy thought
all the love between us
It corrupts.
Love turns to hate
Hope to deception
Romance to vengeance
I swear I never knew I was cruel
Never, Till I met you.

J. A. Burgundy

May 2015

EX

Ex
Ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, ex best friend
To you who promised,
Always and forever, forever and always
I guess that 'always' of yours
comes with an expiration date
And that 'forever' was never truly meant
Through thick and thin you said
But I guess my thin was too thin
My thick too thick
Because you couldn't handle it
To you my darling ex
"Fuck you, you ain't shit"
That's what I wanna say
But then again
You obviously meant shit
I obviously loved and adored you
Hence my anger and spite towards you
I Find it funny
How you post your feelings so publicly
Always making me out to be the bad guy
Right ?
Boo who
Talking bout how I hurt you
How I  didn't care and shit
Talking bout how I did you wrong
But you slacking on saying who screwed who all along
Talking bout how I chose someone over you
When all I ever did was appreciate you
You're Telling me how I meant the world to you
I guess to you the world
was more like a little toy globe
Because I didn't mean enough
Since now we're not even friends
And I got your ass blocked.
Hope my words feel like a cold ass slap
Feel what I felt.
Taste that blood of betrayal
That knife in my back
I now return it right back
Feel what I feel.
When you couldn't get me
When hurting me was easier than trying to comfort me
I pushed you away I know.
Thought you'd be better off.
But then you went and fucked up
How's it feel ?
Someone you loved
Isn't who you thought
You said you loved me
We dreamed of endless adventures
Traveling,
Seeing the world together,
Growing old together
Fuck you! For making me feel I could count on you
Making me depend on you
Giving me so much of you
Then taking it away
Then you go on and be the worst
A hypocrite
Talking bout all you did for me
Like I never stood by you
As if me comforting you
When the world turned its back on you
Was nothing. Like I meant nothing.
As if it was a one sided relationship
Does what I did for you not count ?
My love is somehow no longer valid ?
To you my ex
I say, Fuck you.
For being a damn liar
For being so damn deceitful.
I put you on a damn pedestal.
Now I look down on you
Back at you
Disgust and disappointment
Why make promises you can't keep?
Why not act on what you preach?
To you my ex
I'll never be replaced.
I hope you think of me
Every day every moment
I hope regret comes to greet you
When you look back on how you left me
In an ocean of madness. Drowning.
When you see I made it out alive.
Without you. 
Because that love of yours
Wasn't strong enough
And I wasn't worthy enough
I was too damned
Too broken
A natural disaster.
You couldn't stand by me any longer.
To you my ex
Wish you the best
 I guess

J. A. Burgundy

August 2015